SALT
LAKE CITY, UTAH — Multi-level marketing schemes have been banned by
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, according to a statement
Friday evening by Church spokesman F. Moroni McConkie. "The
questionable ethics of MLMs have been discussed by the Brethren for some
time," McConkie stated, "causing them to finally decide that we as
Latter-day Saints should rid ourselves of involvement."
The
decision handed down Friday caused quite a stir by Utah Mormons who, by nature,
love to buzz about with book clubs; painted quotes and metal stars on the walls
of their suburban homes; and initiate others into so-called "pyramid
schemes" that offer a myriad of creams, ointments, protein powders, and
energy drinks.
Utah
County in particular has been affected, with stake president Stewart F. Hughes
contemplating how to manage his position as founder, president, and CEO of
Unicity International of Orem, a multi-level marketing organization hugely
popular in Asia, and as stake president of the Orem Utah Windsor Stake.
"I'm
not sure why our church is telling us not to be involved with MLMs," said
Becky Christiansen of Ogden. "It's hard enough to pay tithing and
get all the kids ready for church on Sunday, let alone be micromanaged by the
old men at the Salt Lake skyscraper." Christiansen is being
investigated by the LDS Church's strengthening church members committee for her
recent outcries and choice of wording on social media.
More
information will be posted as it is made available.
The
above article is satire; most or all of the events and quotations are
fictitious.
--
The
Mormon Examiner
Title: Church Bans Multi-Level Marketing
Schemes
Author: Austin Skousen
Section: Beehive Comedy Vault
Originally
Published: Monday, August 19th, 2014
Last
Updated: Thursday, September 11th, 2014
Source:
mormonexaminer.blogspot.com
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